Hey..

So my new job is pretty cool so far. I like the management, and I love my co-workers. Hopefully I stay for a while. But I'll tell more about that later.

Right now I'm really upset. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm not sure I want a relationship anymore man. The type of girl I am, I'm too nice. TOO nice. I'm such a pushover, I let guys do and say whatever. Just cause I don't wanna loose them. But this time I can't do that. I am so sick of feeling like I don't matter, honestly I am so drained. I do way too much to be let down. All I want is to be happy and I can't even have that. I'm sick of arguing, and I'm sick of fighting to win this boy over. I like him enough to want to experience this whole relationship thing with him but just when I feel like I'm getting closer and closer, he does or says something to make me feel like I fell back. And I can't put up with it every day, it's getting so tiring :( I hate crying at night. I hate thinking like "what does she have that I don't?" all the time. I even broke my self-promise just because I trust him so much. He doesn't even realize or get it, yet he wants me to understand him. I can't do that if you don't treat me like you really want something with me, I'm sorry. If this is too much to ask for then I guess I'm not the one man =/ I don't know. If I can't even have him, I don't wanna look anymore. Honestly.

I'm so upset no one has any fucking idea.

Goodnight :///